Our Experts
MidLife Psychology—March 2009
by Ruth Cherry | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles
Teaching Meditation
Teaching meditation always presents a challenge. Two
groups I teach--felons in a men’s state prison and educators in primary
and advanced levels share similar styles. Both value control which proves
to be a major impediment to meditating.
We all develop a Controller to shield us from life’s blows. The Controller
relates to a valued image of ourselves we hold in our mind’s eye. The
Controller tells us how to be OK. It just requires that we cut off part
of ourselves–whatever is unacceptable. The Controller hates vulnerability
and tells us not to appear weak or foolish. The felons “give attitude”
to intimidate. The educators speak from their intellects about what
an “expert” writes. In their own ways these groups avoid being present
to themselves. Just being themselves doesn’t seem safe (to the felons)
or good enough (to the educators).
And yet that is what meditation is about. We don’t meditate to look
good or to impress anyone or to pass time pleasantly. We meditate to
experience our own truth at the deepest level of our beings. We meditate
to look into the shadows which scare our rational minds but which hold
the path to our healing. We meditate to be more sincerely alive than
we are if we don’t meditate.
The felons in stress management or anger management or depression management,
aka meditation, know what it means when life doesn’t work. By the time
they arrive in prison they have encountered the judicial system repeatedly.
Most have served multiple terms for various offenses, usually related
to drug or alcohol addiction. Now without family support, they believe
they are inevitable losers and they hate themselves. They walk through
their days trying to balance their despair with a shaky hope (they don’t
dare trust) that maybe life could be different. On good days they manage
to avoid conflict with others or being overwhelmed by their soul-numbing
depression. Other days find them fighting, caught up in a physical struggle
to dispel the tension which haunts their hearts.
We talk in class about not taking anything personally.
How is that related to stress management, they want to know. So we practice
detachment, identifying with the Observer, just noticing what is, not
judging or changing, just breathing and experiencing the moment. We
look at the Controller messages which say, Don’t let him talk to you
that way, or Be a man and defend yourself. We breathe and we notice
the messages but we don’t act. We stay in the Observer.
They practice being in their Observers when they encounter other inmates
but don’t react to them. They practice owning their power by maintaining
their boundaries. This is the only power they have and they assume it
by identifying with the Observer.
The educators feel comfortable in their heads. They have learned that
there is a right way to do everything and their job is to teach us how
to do things right. When it comes to being themselves, they want to
know how to do that right. Do I breathe through my nose or my mouth?
Do I sit on a cushion and hold my hands like this? They like to focus
on details and they give their authority to me to teach them how to
be themselves.
We talk about the Controller but they identify with their Controller.
Isn’t that how I’m supposed to be? It’s challenging to stay in the Observer
and look at the Controller because the educators believe their Controller
is a voice of wisdom instead of a defense. The Controller is like wallpaper
for them. They take it for granted and don’t easily look behind it.
For them intellectual detachment precludes presence to what is this
second. They relate to their image of the Controller more than to the
momentary truth in their hearts which exists behind their Controller.
The felons need support to stay in the Observer and not act. The educators
need support to stay in the Observer and not think. Each group fears
simply breathing and being and allowing Life to unfold. Each needs to
let go of its chosen identification and to face Life without preconditions
or defenses. Each needs to release its hold on the Controller.
Meditation teaches us to say Yes. No Controller is
needed for that. Yes to what we don’t know and don’t understand. Yes
to what is unpredictable. Yes to this second. Yes. I am. I breathe and
I be and I say Yes. And then I do it again.
Ruth Cherry, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in
San Luis Obispo, CA. Her specialty is midlife when psychological and
spiritual dynamics merge. The power of the unconscious at midlife to
heal and to transform is tapped in meditation. Besides writing about
meditation, Ruth leads guided meditation groups weekly both for the
public and for inmates in a state penitentiary. Her web site is
midlifepsychology.com
by Ruth Cherry | Email me if you questions or comments
|