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Moments of Magnificence—September 2008

by K. Bailey | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles

Getting Started With moments of magnificence: Intersections

A Moment of Magnificence can sometimes happen when a person makes a decision that changes the path of his or her life. The need to change can require making difficult decisions. The mind, body and spirit may be sending us a warning that we need to stop and take a look at our current direction. Illness is often a messenger from the spirit through the body, sending the signal that a life change is overdue.  

This month’s column features a man who had to pause and listen when his body was warning him that he needed to make changes to ultimately support his spiritual path. In the process, he came to a realization about fatherhood that has significantly changed his life.  
 

Intersections  

Throughout high school and college, Philip Young would have been voted by his peers as least likely to have children. He was incredibly driven. He entered college and completed his undergraduate degree very quickly and then finished his master’s degree in a year and a half. He earned a doctorate in English and held a prominent professional position for nine years as an Information Technology instructor in Chapel Hill, N.C. He met and moved in with his partner, Betsy, in 2003. Their daughter, Maya, was born two years later.   

Like so many Americans, Philip and Betsy juggled parenthood and full-time jobs for Maya’s first two years. Philip began to exhibit challenging health issues in the spring of 2007. By August, his health had declined significantly. The stress of parenting combined with a demanding career was starting to take its toll. He eventually came to understand that he was suffering from adrenal fatigue, a common issue for new parents. His daughter was beginning to need more attention, and he wanted to be a good parent, not one who came home drained and irritable. After some serious consideration, Philip and Betsy decided that Philip would take on the role of stay-at-home dad. He quit his career position in November 2007. 

After quitting his job, Philip’s health problems improved, but they were far from gone. He continued seeking answers through visits with doctors, ongoing tests and alternative health treatments. At some point, the intersections of his life came together, and he completed a mental/emotional process that would virtually heal his body. The following is Philip’s description of that moment: 

“Betsy was gone with Maya. It was just me, and I was sitting upstairs in this green, swivel rocking chair. This had been the time when I was leaving my job, so there was a lot of intersection coming together at this moment. I was just sitting in the chair, and I was having that moment of questioning where am I going with my life? I realized that my career path was no longer the path that I needed to be on, and I was leaving that behind. The problem was that I was galvanized by being in that sort of work mode. So I was trying to come up with how I was going to fill the hours I had been working full time with some other work — astrology, tarot, web design, whatever it happened to be. Internally, what I realized was that wasn’t the correct answer. And so what I had to really try to focus on was that it isn’t about taking what I’ve done and simply replacing the energy there with another method, essentially not changing. It was a moment where I needed change, and I was trying to understand the fundamental change.  

“What’s hard about it is that it’s challenging enough for women to realize that when you’re put in the role of the primary caretaker, it is a devalued role. It’s an expected role, but it is certainly not valued as if you’re making fifty or a hundred grand at a professional job. So the first thing was, OK, I’m accepting that I want to leave my professional job to be the stay-at-home parent. What does that mean? Part of it was my own male ego that was reacting. It was coming to a sense of comfort about the fact that I’m not going to achieve professionally what my ego felt like it should be achieving because you can’t be great at your job and be a great parent. There’s just not enough time in a day.  

“I had also read the book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (by Malcolm Gladwell) and was deeply affected by its message around cultural expectations. I began to consider my situation in that light. I had quit my full-time job as a professional, which as a man you don’t do. I’d taken on the role of being the primary caregiver to a child, which as a man you don’t do. I’d given up my independence, and now I’m fully dependant on my partner to provide me with my living space, groceries, etc., which as a man you don’t do. And I realized this was part of my internal struggle. I’m making these choices consciously, but I realized that because I wasn’t acknowledging just how significantly I was going against the grain, even with my awareness, my commitment to equality, I had not yet fully embraced the fact that it is a significant shift to be in this role.  

“Once I hit that moment, it was like I opened up a door. It was that moment of, ‘Ahh, okay. Now I’m clear.’ It was that profound sense of centering. Before that moment, it was like not making a full commitment. I was stepping in (to parenthood), but I hadn’t made the plunge, and that night it was the plunge. So I was swimming in the water, but I wasn’t diving deep, and that was diving deep. 

“It wasn’t like, ‘Oh my God, I didn’t see it coming.’ I was working for it. It was much more something of duration that was a lot of things flowing together that just hit that moment. To me, that’s what made it magnificent. I understood exactly what my place was to be and how I needed to move forward. Right then, my health took a 180-degree turn. Then I made modifications to my diet and other things, and then suddenly I found my energy again.  

“It (fatherhood) is now the measure of everything that I do. When I encounter a lot of situations, it is the viewpoint of fatherhood that defines how I treat a situation. If it aligns with fatherhood, I support the situation. If I sense that it doesn’t align with it, then I push it out of the way, and I don’t pursue it. 

“If you’re in a place of struggle, look out into the world and see the people who have accomplished the struggle you’re in and talk to them; read their book, go to their website, call them, whatever it may be. There are people who have gone through it successfully. Find them when you are ready to make the change and they will be willing to help you. You’ve got to be ready to make that change.” 

Young is now devoting his time and effort to his family and creating a healthy environment in which his daughter can grow. He is available for professional astrology and tarot readings and schedules them at times that are convenient to his role as a father. Young’s website is www.blackunykorn.com/. 

Note: If you would like to share a moment of magnificence with the author of this column, please write to Karenadbailey@gmail.com.

by K. Bailey | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles