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managing change—september 2008

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles

Getting Started With Managing Change: Do something for yourself

By Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP

Life is hectic, and even in the best of circumstances we do not take the time to do something just for ourselves. Why is that? We spend so much of our time working, raising children, caring for elderly parents, taking care of the yard — you name it, and we’re busy doing it.

When was the last time you did something just for you? Let me be specific, I don’t mean when was the last time you had that triple fudge, brownie sundae. I mean, when was the last time you did something to truly nourish you — physically, mentally or spiritually?

Now you are in the midst of a transition, and life is even more hectic. You can’t possibly take time just for yourself, can you? It’s a great question, and one many of us struggle with.

Transitions pile more onto what can feel like already hectic schedules. They require that we dig even deeper into our reserves and that we take better care of ourselves. The additional stress can tax our systems. Taking time for yourself nourishes your system. The nourishment makes you stronger and better able to cope with and conquer the transition.

As we go through a transition we need to hold onto the things that keep us going every day, whether it is going to the gym, going out with friends, taking a walk, reading or simply admiring the garden flowers for 15 minutes.

With care and attention to yourself every day, you will be much better equipped to face the challenges that transitions put before you. Your reserves will be there when you need them. Your stress levels will be lower and tolerance levels higher, enhancing your decision-making ability. 

Perhaps you have changed your schedule to make room for the ‘new’ components involved in the transition. For most individuals it is easier to simply remove existing items than to try to fit everything in. In general, we remove nonessential items — things like exercise, walking the dog, the time you set aside for yourself. Wait, is that time really nonessential?

How do you feel about yourself when you haven’t taken the time to participate on your sports team, meditate or play Rock Band with your kids (just because you want to!) — when you haven’t done the things that make you feel physically and mentally good about yourself?

So is that time really nonessential?

Do you feel selfish taking time for yourself? Ask yourself why. If you don’t nourish your mind and your spirit, who will? If you don’t exercise, will someone do that for you? If you neglect your physical health or mental well-being, who will be there to take over your responsibilities, to care for you?

The time you set aside for yourself allows you to recharge your batteries, to remember why it is you love your family, your friends and your life. Allow your mind to rest and rejoice in you. Put away everyday thoughts, thoughts of the transition, and simply be with yourself. This time will help you to focus on the transition and everyday activities when you turn back to them.

The time you spend nourishing yourself literally lifts the fog from your brain. When you learn something new, you create new connections, synapses, expanding your mental power. Exercise releases endorphins, our natural happy chemicals, into your brain, lifting your spirit and promoting a sense of well-being. Exercise, listening to music, working in your garden, reading, just focusing on breathing and relaxing all help to alleviate stress and the effects of stress.

Transitions can be great creators of stress. You need to identify ways to alleviate the stress you are feeling and experiencing. The more ‘stressed out’ you are, the less logical your decision-making becomes, the more reactive you are and the more emotionally driven your actions become.  Mitigating these factors changes the way you handle every situation in your life.

You are the only one who can create the 30 minutes in your day for you to be good to yourself. By creating that time, you take charge of your time and space. This just might be the greatest gift you give to yourself and those you care about. The way you move through every day is greatly impacted by your ability to manage your transition and the stress inherent in that transition.

Don’t allow your time to be hijacked. Your friends, family and responsibilities will always be there and will always demand your attention. This gift you give yourself will pay exponential dividends. Not only will you feel better physically, mentally and emotionally, but your family and friends will benefit from a more relaxed, fun and healthy you. It is easier to keep changes in perspective when your mental and emotional states are balanced.

After my divorce I was depressed. I understood that I was partially responsible for the divorce and that I was fully responsible for moving on with my life. That meant working through my divorce-caused depression. I found exercise, daily exercise — even on the days I didn’t want to leave the couch. It made a tremendous difference in how I felt about myself. Physically, I was stronger. Mentally, I felt more able to handle the details of every day and of the divorce. I credit exercise with helping me to make the other changes that brought me fully out of the depression and into a wonderful life.

Don’t misunderstand, exercise is not a cure all, and I’m not making recommendations. But it could be one piece of an overall plan you use to do something for yourself every day, a plan that will help you successfully work through any transition.

Have you ever asked for help to get through a transition? Next month we’ll discuss why qualified help could be just the support you need to successfully get through your transition.

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles