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managing change—August 2008

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles

Getting Started With Managing Change: Self-Talk

“I can’t do this. It will never work for me. She/He must have something I don’t.”
How many times have you said those things to yourself? Or some version of those statements? Maybe it’s not quite as dramatic? Perhaps, a subtler version of the same idea?

Self talk; we all do it. Self-talk is the conversation you have with yourself. From the very basic, “Do I turn left or right here?” to the complex discussion with yourself about how exactly to have the difficult conversation with your teenage son.
This very simple concept can shape the way you view your world. Positive self-talk helps you to see the beauty in you and around you. You focus on the positive aspects of yourself, allowing for mistakes and realizing not everything is perfect all the time. Negative self talk also colors the way you view yourself, your world and every event and person in that world. How can you expect to see the beauty and worth in you when you are constantly criticizing and putting yourself (and others) down?

Think about the self-talk you use every day. Is it empowering? Life-affirming? Does it reinforce the best pieces of you? Do you grumble when you see how well someone else is doing? Do you tell yourself there is no way you can do this? He/She/They will never let this happen?

When you are contemplating or moving through a change, how you speak to you is vitally important. Of all of the people you come in contact with every day, YOU should be your biggest supporter. Self-talk can change the way you view every aspect of the change.

I didn’t realize how important those conversations and comments were until I was thinking about leaving my corporate position. I had been considering another line of work (something that didn’t come with a boss) for 3 years.  At the same time, my passion was not something I had formal training in. I am, by nature a realist, so the rational part of me knew starting over professionally would be daunting. All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind….

“This will be impossible! You must be crazy to think you can compete with folks who have been doing this for years!”

“I don’t know if I want that kind of stress. It’s my passion but… corporate can’t get any worse. I can handle this for another 20 years.”

Not exactly motivational thinking!

Then I had an honest conversation with a good friend. I told her what I wanted to do and what I had been thinking. Her first question? “Why are you so negative!” Great question.

When I was honest I realized I had been very negative in the way I viewed a change I, allegedly, wanted and in my self-talk. For example, I had experience; it just wasn’t traditional. And in my self-talk, what had I been telling myself? I want to make a major change in my life and I am spending all of my time telling myself how it simply can’t be done! I had been sabotaging myself all along. That was the day I stopped accepting negative self-talk.

It’s a process.  For many of us negative self-talk is a bad habit and it takes time to break habits. The first thing I did was give myself permission to change the negative self-talk I used. For instance, when I caught myself saying, “Marketing is so hard,” I simply said, “I mean, marketing is a challenge I am happy to conquer.” It’s positive, it confirms you can grow and there is nothing you cannot overcome. My attitude about the marketing piece I was trying to create started to change. Instead of being irritated by the piece, I was interested in finding a solution, “how can I do this? Are there resources I can tap into?” A whole line of questions opened up.

Slowly, I found that my view of what I was trying to do was changing. Things didn’t feel so overwhelming. I was viewing the process of leaving a corporation to start my own company as a series of challenges to be overcome instead of an impossible dream.

You won’t be positive all of the time; it’s tough to be positive when someone hits your car. Humans, by nature, are not always positive. But, particularly in the case of change, being vigilant in how we talk about the change and its elements can create a tremendous shift in how we approach the change.

Positive doesn’t mean unrealistic. Although my self-talk had become more and more positive, I was still realistic that leaving the corporate world for my new venture would have some hurdles. The difference is that those hurdles were no longer insurmountable; now I could triumph and I was WORTHY!

The beauty of changing the way you talk to yourself is that it impacts every aspect of your life. From beating up on yourself for a comment you made to your daughter’s principle (“That was a stupid thing to say!”) to the thoughts you have about relationships with co-workers (“They’ll never hear what I have to say.”).

It takes time and patience to change your self-talk habits. I have found it’s one of the best journey’s I have taken. Over time I needed to catch and change my self-talk less and less frequently. I saw positive change in my life.  My outlook on transitions I was going through and on life in general changed in wonderful ways. Family and friends noticed that I spoke differently about the challenges involved in my transition.

I encourage you to listen to your self-talk and to become your biggest supporter through changes and every day! The results will be remarkable.

Next month we’ll take a look at how doing something for yourself every day can impact the reserves you have to navigate the waters of change.

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles