Our Experts

managing change—July 2008

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles

Getting Started With Managing Change: Choice and Control

In this issue I would like to discuss how you choose to view your change and control in the context of managing change.
I want to reiterate the importance of how you choose to view change.

This choice may drive the way you make all subsequent choices related to your change. Your mental and emotional outlook will be greatly impacted by the positive, or negative, way you view a particular change. You can choose to find the positive, identify the opportunities and work through the negative pieces with an eye toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

Even a change that has been thrust upon you leaves you with a choice, to wallow in the injustice of it all, or to look forward and find a way through what might feel like unending darkness.

In the context of managing change, control references a number of different areas: managing your emotions, determining how you choose to respond to the change, accepting responsibility, and accountability for your actions and decisions, to name a few.

Merriam-Webster Online defines control as: “to exercise restraining or directing influence over”.  In the context of managing change, I would like to define control as influence over what you have direct accountability or responsibility for; issues like your emotions and your outlook. Notice I am not including controlling other people, their actions, or their view of a situation. Within any change you are responsible for only you.

I can hear somebody saying, “Wait, I have children! I am responsible for them!” Yes, you are. You are responsible for communicating in a loving, direct, non-confrontational, non‑judgmental, rationale way. You are responsible for making certain they are safe and secure. You cannot control what another party is doing/saying. In the end your children will be influenced by how you choose to view the situation and how you manage items within your control. You cannot force your children to adopt your view or the other parties view.  You CAN be a good example.

Changes bring about strong, often raw, emotions. We must all allow that we will break down at one time or another. A good cry, even for men, can be very healing and release pent up emotions. However, be vigilant in paying attention to reactive emotions. The emotions that come flying to the front, seemingly out of nowhere, when confronted by a person or situation are reactive. When reacting, you are not drawing from the logical part of your brain but the instinctive part, the part of you that is afraid, angry, or hurt.

Negative reactions can be detrimental not only to you, but to those around you as well. Making statements in the heat of the moment or statements that you “don’t mean” can be harmful and hurtful, and you do not want your children to view an outburst. Controlling your emotions allows you to keep a clear head, and allows you to think rationally when others may be (over)reacting.

If you do not feel capable of maintaining control, find an opportunity to step away from the situation, if only for a minute. This helps you and the others involved to calm down. I used this technique during my divorce. He was never happy when I said I needed a minute or two, but when we came back together both of us could more easily discuss how to split up the antiques in the house. If you are interested in additional information on how to react less emotionally or about conflict resolution feel free to contact me or access the internet for some wonderful resources.

As you move through the change you will be called upon to make a multitude of decisions. Frequently, if you do not take the initiative the decision will be made for you, either by a corporate or government entity, or by someone that may not have your best interests at heart. Determine where you need to act, when you need to act and then act proactively. You maintain control by remaining rational and logical and making good decisions for today and the future.

Your view of the situation becomes very important when making life-changing decisions. A positive outlook, the ability to glimpse a light at the end of the tunnel, will greatly enhance your ability to make decisions you can be happy with in 8, 12, or 24 months. These decisions may be the difference between successfully navigating change and just “getting through” the change.

You are responsible and accountable for your actions, feelings, and emotions. Every time you do something (anything!) you are accountable for what you put out to the universe, how you put it out there, and how you respond to the ramifications.  If you want a life you are content with and feel positive about, you need to accept the reins for that life. Choosing to relinquish responsibility for your decisions and life to someone else will not bring you happiness.  Remember, as you are making responsible decisions and looking forward to the positive ramifications (which you will happily take credit for!) each decision brings you one step closer to the life you truly want and to successfully navigating change. You can be a light to those around you, illustrating through your responsibility and accountability how controlling your options can create positive outcomes.

by Jennifer Conaway, CTACC, CCP | Email me if you questions or comments | Back to List of Articles