Blessings from the Afterlife

By Carrie Hyde

Hark the herald angels sing, ‘glory to the newborn King’…..I’ve sung that song almost daily, sometimes 6-7 times a day, since we laid Mom to rest 19 Dec 06. I wondered about this, as this was never one of the Christmas songs I’d normally sing, but then I thought, ‘it is Christmas’. Then I thought, ‘what if this was one of Mom’s favorite Christmas songs and I never knew this about her after all these years’?

But when it continued past mid-January and I was still singing it, I sensed Mom must have a message for me from ‘over there’. As I had been writing her a letter daily, I decided I’d ask her what she wanted me to know; and since then, the blessings have been wonderfully comforting gifts from Mom.

Mom passed on 16 Dec 06, after a very painful, often times incoherent two-months stay in an Ohio hospital. In some respects, I wonder if Mom was ready to go; she couldn’t be anything but tired from all her illnesses, aches and pains and numerous doctor visits and hospital stays the past nine years. She’s had high blood pressure since I can remember and severe arthritis pain for years; she was diabetic and has had breast cancer; she had triple by-pass surgery in January 2000 and has been a kidney dialysis patient since the week after that surgery; and she’s had her share of blood infections, had congestive heart failure and a few joint replacements.

Yet she never complained, only to her four daughters once in a while, and less often to her three sons. Her doctors, including four or five specialists through the years, thought Mom was a kind, sweet lady, ‘very dear’ to their hearts; some became misty-eyed near the end as they spoke with us about her prognosis.

Mom looked terrific some days, not so good other days during my ‘Thanksgiving visit’; I sensed she may pass before the year’s end and I prayed I’d see her again soon. Back in Raleigh, I’d call daily; some days Mom had enough strength to talk briefly with me.

My older sister called me just 2 weeks after Thanksgiving, letting me know the doctors suggested we be called home since it would only be a couple of days now. Flight arrangements were made for me to leave the next day; and after 14 hours with all sorts of airport and/or flight snags, the angels got me to Mom’s bedside. She was sleeping; I talked to her anyway and read her the Christmas card I had written to her just 2 nights ago.

That next morning, my youngest brother thought Mom would go at any moment, ‘she just waited for you and Denise to get home’. We hurried back to her room (I think one or two of our siblings were still in her room). On our way back to the waiting room, after being with Mom again a few more minutes, I found a fork on the floor…I was so excited as I remembered that story “Keep Your Fork” and let my siblings know ‘the best is yet to come’, as the story read. This small sign reassured me Mom would be ‘ok’ with and in her passing; I shared these thoughts with my siblings.

As I sat with Mom, just her and I, for a couple of hours late that Friday afternoon before she passed, I prayed with her, held her hands, and did Reiki on her while I cried, of course, and talked to her. I wanted to say some things to her before she left us; some things, such as “It’s ok to go, Mom, we’ll be ok here,” all of us had said. But I wanted to say more; things I couldn’t say earlier even though Mom was very awake and alert two-four hours every day up until this day.

I let her know how grateful I was to be able to spend the past week with her. I thanked her for being such a warm, loving, nurturing mom who sacrificed so much to care for us; I thanked her for giving me life and let her know the best of her is the best within me. My heart ached for her, for myself, for my siblings as we had witnessed so much of her pain and suffering.

And my throat swelled as I asked her to let go, “Jesus will carry you sweetly and gently to Heaven. Remember ‘the dream’ I told you I had when I was four or five years old, and I told you again Saturday…when Jesus came down from Heaven on a cloud and took me back to get my ‘new eyes’? Do you remember, Mom, and do you remember the ‘picture’ Daddy showed you on the projector screen after he passed in August 2001? You’ll like Heaven, Mom, it’s beautiful there, everyone is so warm and loving; it’s the absolute most wonderful feeling and place to be, you’ll be happier and pain-free and you’ll be able to dance again. Let me tell you my dream again…..

“In a ray of sunshine, Jesus came down on a cloud from Heaven. He reached out His hand for me; I took it (with complete trust), and went up to Heaven with Him. I thought it was absolutely the most wonderful place I had ever been…so sparkly, so huge with tall, white buildings; everyone was busy, yet they were so kind, warm and happy. There was this (incredible) loving feeling. Jesus took me into one room and said I could sit on the bed and wait for God to give me my ‘new eyes’. I knew I didn’t dare jump on this bed as it was Mary’s bed. The rooms didn’t have walls, doors, floors, or ceilings, yet they were separated rooms. Soon Jesus came back and said, ‘God has given you your new eyes, it’s time to go back now’. I told Jesus I didn’t want to go back, I wanted to stay here with Him. He said I must, ‘it isn’t time for you to be here now’. Then God spoke with me letting me know why I must go back now (I didn’t remember God’s reason until many years later, but I recited it here now to Mom). Jesus took my hand again, we got back on the cloud and came back to Earth. He hugged me, smiled at me and said he’d see me later.

“You’ll like it there, Mom, you’ll want to stay once you get there. Please just let go.”

I also apologized for all the trouble I may have caused her (and Daddy) through the years, and especially for all the misunderstandings and arguments we’d had regarding my ‘gifts and the work that I believed God wants/needs for me to do. I told her I hoped that she believes in me and is proud of me. And I asked her if once she got to Heaven would she help me finally accept my gifts without anymore fear and anxiety, would she let me know that she understood me and my work with these gifts…and would she let me know that she heard me. I asked her to open her eyes just once more to let me know she knew I was here with her now. Within five minutes, two nurses came in to turn her. I don’t know if it was the shock or the increase in pain at the movement, but Mom opened her eyes, which seemed to question me about the situation and let me know she was disturbed with being disturbed!

“It’s Carrie, Mom, with you, while the others have gone to do a bit more Christmas shopping. She was always aware that past week that her youngest daughter was very busy
with a toddler and only three weeks away from delivery, trying to get ready for Christmas.

We got back to my sister’s house at 11:47pm that night. As we walked into the living room, I asked, “what’s that smell”? “What smell?” she asked, and I replied that it was sort of a woody, outdoors smell, rather than the lovely sweet wildflowers smell that it really was….I suppose out of fear. We talked about the possibility that Mom would pass that night.

Our older sister called about 4:40am; we got to the hospital as soon as we could…Mom had already passed, the oldest of our brothers informed us. Each of us took our turn spending a few private minutes alone with Mom; then we gathered together one last time at her bedside, praying and remembering days gone-by. Mom was at peace, you could see it, and her face was so beautiful. Later, as we were putting finishing touches on her previously-planned funeral arrangements, my older sister drew to my attention the theme on the materials was ‘wildflowers’.

Time continued…daily tears, phone calls, writing and talking with Mom. Christmas was very sad, but was lightened by the wonderful gift my youngest sister had sent to each of us…a wonderful sign she received as she finished her Christmas shopping, back home in Boise, that very day we laid Mom to rest. She and her family were unable to attend Mom’s memorial mass as they had to get home to prepare for the new baby’s arrival. (Brianna Marie was born 31Dec06 and she is beautiful and healthy!)

It was mid-January that I asked Mom “what’s with this ‘Hark the Herald Angels’ song”?
She let me know in a dream that showed me this huge library (again with no floor, walls, ceiling or door) with a kind, elderly library guardian and a ladder that would take me as far as I wanted to go. As I said my prayers the next day, I realized I changed my “accept these gifts” to I’m “prepared to use these gifts”. Mom DID hear me that Friday and she was not only letting me know she believed in me, but also letting me know with that song, that she better understood the line of work God asked of me! Mom always did kid me about bringing home the library when I’d come home for visits. This was just the beginning of my blessings I was to receive from Mom.

One must understand that Mom and I were on different planes with these gifts of mine; we’d get into fights and she’d end up saying, “if you’re so religious…….” And I’d tell her I wasn’t so religious, I was more spiritual. I didn’t see things the way she did and I certainly couldn’t make sense out of some of those church rules. What I believed about myself and God’s work was so important to me, and I wanted it to be important to Mom, also, and I so wanted her to believe in me. I think many times Mom didn’t know what to do with me or for me; she didn’t know how to help me. I’m sure she was fearful; she certainly expressed her frustration with me…”I can’t fathom you”.

While Mom was aware of my visits to therapists or psychologists, readers, ministers, and talks with the nuns I worked for, I don’t think she ever knew it was a priest who helped me make some sense out of all this when he suggested my ‘new eyes’ was God’s way of gifting me with the ability to ‘see’ with my heart. I do believe Mom knew the nuns always listened to my concerns and that one of them gave me the book “Life After Life” to read after I shared one of my visions with her.

I think it was especially hard on Mom with what I now refer to as my ‘death notices’; she was fearful I let these visions control me. But she would remind me that whenever Grandma (her mom) smelled flowers, she knew someone was going to die that day. That was never the case with me; I’d just bolt upright in bed, yelling ‘no’. So much for, ‘Speak Lord, your servant is listening’, or  saying ‘yes’ to the universe!!  Thus the flowers smell I received that night gave me some comfort as I believed Mom was saying good night to me, letting me know she was going now. I was ok with this for a couple of months…..

There was one particular sad day for me that I asked her if she knew how much we loved her and if she realized my birthday was coming in two weeks. As I walked past my home-office windows, I noticed flowers on two of my plants that never bloomed for me in February.

I’d talk out loud to her crying with my questions and most often within minutes I’d feel a sense of peace, start doing something else, and receive my answer. Such was the case when I was so upset that I may have never helped her many years ago when she asked me questions about her health. I was even more upset that I couldn’t remember the year, but I remember writing a letter to one of my dearest friends, saying I felt like I was already mourning Mom. As soon as I became calm, and started on some sorting/tossing out, I found that letter, written 11Aug97/11pm.  I had never sent.

I remember another sad night in February, I couldn’t sleep after being in bed two hours; I began writing Mom, asking her how other ‘sensitives’ deal with their gifts, especially the ‘sad’ messages. I still couldn’t sleep…I walked into the living room, turned TV on and there was Oprah talking with John Edward! I realized we all do struggle at times with our gifts; and remembered one of the nuns telling me years ago, ‘just remember, your crown is also your cross.’ I had forgotten how that gave me peace then, for several years.

And there’s the comfort I found when my youngest sister told me her four-year old asked if one of God’s jobs in Heaven for Grandma Hyde is doing dishes. Just a couple of days before receiving her email, I was wondering why I’d developed this habit lately of letting the dishes pile up for a few days….I was waiting for Mom to do them!!

Even though I found comfort as the months passed, I was still bothered by one thing…that I didn’t go back (to the hospital) to be with Mom after I received the ‘notice’ (the flowers smell). I accepted at first that we just weren’t supposed to be there.

However, I became angry and I just couldn’t let this go, after more than seven months now. Finally one day, anxious and  angry, filled with heartache, after a shake-up from Above, I laid down, asking God for just 20 minutes of peace; and after letting Mom know I understood she forgives me for not ‘listening’ to her (or God) to be there with her,  ‘and I know it is selfish on my part,’ could I just know ‘why’ so that I could let this go. Within minutes, I received my answer…I realized I wanted to be with Mom when Jesus came for her so that I could again see Him face to face and perhaps receive another hug from Him. In my pain at Mom’s passing, I may have wanted to go back with Him and Mom to Heaven and not want to come back here. Thank goodness, God knows what’s best for me;  I’ve more work to do for Him here on Earth.

Three days later, as I was to be packing for my visit to Ohio, I again found myself ‘sorting and tossing’. I came across a lecture I had attended in 1999 on near-death experiences (which finally helped me realize then that ‘my dream’ years ago was perhaps a NDE), Of course, I wondered why I found this now in this particular pile of papers/writings. I received the answer when I returned home to Raleigh two weeks later to find a postcard from Innerchange magazine announcing the feature topic, ‘Exploring Realms Beyond this Life’ for the next issue….

There are so many blessings, so many gifts our loved ones on the Other Side and our angels and guardians send us….daily. All we have to do is ask, then be still, then listen. After that, we must be grateful and act. What we receive often times will make sense only to us. When my family or friends ask me how I know, “I just know”. The answer may be a butterfly lighting on your shoulder, flowers, an unexpected phone call, hearing your name called or a dream. Or it may be more direct…like me finding my sister’s high school graduation name card in Mom’s Catechism book as I commented, “oh Mom, I don’t know who you wanted to have this” reaching for it while going through her stuff in Ohio.

Now if Mom would just let me know what message she has for me in that “Lollypop” song I sing every once in a while?

Carrie, a practicing Catholic,  has volunteered her Reiki services in area hospitals and with Hospice. A Reiki Master/Teacher since 1998, she practices and teaches by appointment in Raleigh and Cary and on Fridays with Women’s Wellness Centre in Zebulon. Email: Runningwater@bellsouth.net